Thoughts on Being Socially Awkward

Hi, I’m Mallory and I’m socially awkward.I’m the one who will wave at people who aren’t waving at me, who’s best friend is her cat, and who enjoys spending the majority of her free time alone (usually playing Super Mario RPG Legend of the Seven Stars).

I’ve been an awkward human being for as long as I can remember. Long pauses in conversations make me want to vomit….and did I just hear someone say “presentation”? Yeah…I’ll be going now. #bye

Now, I know other people reading this will be able to relate. Everyone feels a little bit awkward at least once in awhile. For some people it’s more often than others. Let’s face it, the world can throw a lot of uncomfortable situations at us. From school to jobs to social outings we are constantly interacting with people with different personalities. The bottom line is people are complicated.

Let me give you an example of my brain when I meet someone.

Me: “Hey I’m Mallory.”

Person: “Hey, how’s it going?”

Brain: “Can they tell I feel uncomfortable?” “Did my voice just go up 18 octaves when I said hi making me sound overly excited and annoying?” “Shit, I forget their name already.” “Did they even say their name?” “Am I making too much or too little eye contact right now?” “This is too many questions.”

Some may call this ADD but I just call it socially uncomfortable and I think I can explain why I feel this way. People judge you. It doesn’t matter if you’re a drug dealer or Beyonce, people will judge you. As much as society will say “who cares what people think of you, be yourself!” There is still a ping of hope that the person I’m meeting doesn’t think I’m a complete mess.

The best way I have dealt with being awkward is to be a nice person to everyone I meet (not like, let people walk all over you nice, more like being generally pleasant but still having a back bone). Simply being kind and accepting to people can make a world of difference. Others will start to open up to you and it  becomes less and less awkward to be around them. There are many people I have in my life where when I first met them I probably said something they thought was deranged and unusual but now we have formed a friendship and they accept my weird-ness.

I guess the moral of this post is just to let you know that you can make it in the world if you are an awkward person. There are many quirky fantastic things about being awkward and as you grow up and go through experiences you will learn to accept and embrace these qualities.

– Stay weird friends, mal.

Thoughts on Job Hunting

Today I woke up and got ready for a job interview. It was for a company that is well known and reputable. I showered, got dressed and got in the car. When I got there I walked halfway from the car and the door of where the interview was, turned around and went home.

The reality of it is, this wasn’t a job I could see myself doing for the rest of my life. I didn’t feel like it would leave me feeling accomplished and satisfied at the end of each day. I felt anxiety, shortness of breath, an almost drowning feeling. It wasn’t because I was nervous or because I felt like this company would be a horrible place to work for, in fact it was the very opposite. It was a place that would provide security and a paycheck but what it wouldn’t provide was my happiness. I felt all these feelings of anxiety because I knew deep down if I accepted this position it would throw me off track and set me back more from where I really want to be in life.

So why do we accept jobs we don’t want? Probably the most common answer is money. Having bills to pay and responsibilities (the worst part of being an adult, am I right?) forces us into working jobs we don’t actually want. It forces us to put our dreams on the back burner and causes us to fear taking risks. We constantly look forward to the  free time we have away from our jobs. Evenings and weekends become the only time we truly feel ourselves. It is a cycle that can last an entire lifetime and some people retire or worse die feeling this way. Okay, that sounds a little morbid but it’s also the truth.

I think a lot of job unhappiness stems from having to make such a big decision at such a young age. At 17 I was given forms to fill out to decide which College or University I wanted to apply to and which program I wanted to enroll in. Looking back at it now at 17 I couldn’t even decide if I wanted pizza or a sub for lunch. How was I expected to decide what career I wanted to pursue for the rest of my life?

As we get older I think we start to really figure out what our strengths and weaknesses are. The things that excite us and motivate us start to become more apparent. These are the things we need to run with and somehow manage a way to make them our career because if we don’t we are only letting ourselves down.

Reflecting on my decision today to not go to the interview I feel relief and a weight off my shoulders. I am going to take the time to write a list of things that are non-negotiable in my job search and also continue to work on my blog. We all have the power to take control of our lives and earn money doing what we love.

Love

 

 

 

 

Thoughts of a 20 Something Year Old

Decisions.

It is something that I have been battling with for quite a while now. Not like the type of decision of what drink will I get at the bar in my younger years but more like “what job is going to make me happy for the rest of my life?”.” Is this going to be good for my future?”. “Where will I even be in 10 years?”. These are all questions that become more pressuring as your 20’s march along.

I have now just turned 25 years old. Sure, I’ve traveled a bit, I have a job, I live on my own, but I am always craving something more. I feel that my life isn’t meant to be conventional. Some people my age have a full-time job, have gotten married, had children, but for me I crave something else. I have never pictured my life being the typical/safe way of living.

I do not have the pull to get married, have kids, or work mindlessly 9-5 as weeks of my life roll by. I have always almost felt overwhelmed when I think of this lifestyle – not that I judge anyone for wanting it. I realize everyone has different views of what is going to make them the happiest.

To be open and honest, there have been so many times in the past where I have felt the pressure of other people. I have spent time worrying about what this person or that person will think of me if I make a decision that is unusual or out of the box. I have feared that I might fail and have others snicker and make remarks behind my back. With this being said, I have grown a lot and learned to push these fears out of my mind. I have made many decisions that have turned out to make me extremely happy.  I decided that traveling is one of the most rewarding experiences in my life and I will continue to make traveling a priority. I have decided that I won’t settle for jobs, people, or situations that make me unhappy. I have decided that no matter what happens I have to always trust my instincts and not listen to people who tell me my decisions are wrong.

We have one life to live and we shouldn’t waste it on satisfying other people’s opinions.  Go out & and make all your dreams a reality.  Everything will work out in the end.

This, That, & Anything.

I thought I would make a place on my blog for a section to just write about random topics as they come to me. I’m not quite sure if this interesting to people or not because it will all just be my jumbled up thoughts but I hope it happens to be entertaining.

Stay posted!♥